Emotional dependency is always a problem. There are times when couple dynamics become so damaging, almost without anyone noticing, that they end up having no head or tail. One of those cases may be when the so-called ‘cinderella syndrome‘. The psychologist Mar Araujo from Mundopsicologos.com, explains that this refers to “when a woman is afraid to be and live independently and autonomously”, so they seek and need the protection, company and sense of security of a partner.
«We could say that these are women with a high degree of emotional and financial dependency, who deposit their psychic stability in the formalization of a relationship. This complex leads them to idealize the couple as ‘their prince charming’ and they feel frustrated when they detect an error or defect in their partner ”, explains Mar Araujo.
When talking about this dependency, it can be given in any sense: from a extreme affective need, to an economic or social dependency. «These women have the need to please and please their partner, expecting recognition and approval from them, and when this does not happen, they tend to submit. In addition, they suffer an excessive fear of breakup and rejection “, says the psychologist. Likewise, he assures that in this dynamic the woman tends to intensify the virtues of the couple, “giving them all the value that they do not recognize in themselves, feeling inferior and believing that they are the ones who have to give meaning to their own lives.”
Why does this dependency occur?
Mar Araujo comments that this problem is usually experienced by women who have low self-esteem, as well as those who have been raised under the idea that they will only be happy if they live as a couple. In addition, he points out that it can also be the case in people “who have experienced parental overprotection, and therefore do not feel capable of solving their own problems.” “In general, if a woman has suffered trauma, she may lose the ability to deal with problems autonomously and this may lead to ‘Cinderella syndrome,'” she says.
People who deal with this process face some consequences, one of the main ones being that they will not be able to accept themselves if it is not through validation of others. Also, they tend to face a limitation of abilities and evolution in each of the aspects of their personality and their life.
If a person identifies that he suffers from this ‘complex’, the help of a professional is necessary, but also inner work. For this reason, Mar Araujo leaves some guidelines to ‘get over it’ and have healthier relationships.
1. Enhance autonomy and the realization of pleasant activities for oneself, fostering social relations with other people and increasing the friendly circle.
2. Take better care of yourself. Working on the relationship you have with yourself and improving your security is vital to try to take care of yourself inside and out.
3. Take the initiative. Work on your attitude and put passivity aside. Remember that the key to achieving what you want in your life is in your hands.
4. Work on self-esteem and self-concept, reinforcing the idea of worth, security and responsibility for oneself. In order to get out of this loop, it is necessary to take small steps and assume responsibilities. It is the only way to take control of your own life.
5. Change the way you think about the meaning given to relationships, understanding that love is not imbalance or dependence, but quite the opposite.
6. Implement a positive view of yourself and reality. To change your life you must change the thoughts that invade your mind. Stop thinking negative and replace that flow with words of encouragement that encourage you to take the path of positivity.