With the arrival of summer and holidays, people feel an immense desire to enjoy each moment and each experience away from the routine ties of the rest of the year. It is a time of intensities also in the field of love. Summer loves have elements in common, they tend to be lived with more intensity, they are more sporadic and they are more short-term relationships (sometimes), now, why are we more receptive to living this type of experiences at this time of year? As pointed María Mavji, sexologist and director of operations in
TherapyChat, there are several factors that come into play.
He explains that, in general, we tend to be more relaxed, which can lead us to become more hedonistic in the search for a partner, being more predisposed to letting ourselves go. Self-esteem also comes into play and the fact that high temperatures can affect our emotions with the production of oxytocin, endorphins and serotonin, hormones that play an important role in increasing our sexual desire.
But, on the other side of the coin is the end of that summer love, which, on many occasions, remains just that, in a summer story. «Summer loves They tend to occur in radically different scenarios from everyday life, so it is very easy that the elements that have been created do not fit into the return to the routine and hence it is decided to end that relationship before it continues to evolve. And this is where the now famous term can come into play ghosting, a concept that we have been using recently to define the end of a romantic relationship unilaterally, without giving any kind of explanation to the other person. It is an abrupt and not very functional way of putting an end to a relationship, which is becoming more and more frequent.
Ending relationships by ghosting is for this expert a great indicator “of a person’s lack of emotional responsibility, and unfortunately this is something we see more and more every day. We understand emotional responsibility as the simple fact of taking into account that every act has its consequences. The psychological damage that it can cause to the other person is serious since any type of rejection activates pain circuits and you have to know how to manage the situation and the breakdown in order to close these types of relationships in a healthy way.
But how do you deal with ghosting when does it appear in our lives? According to TherapyChat, to deal with this we must take into account two fundamental aspects:
—Assuming that anxiety, sadness or anger may appear, and connect with emotions. When days ago everything seemed to be calm and suddenly someone disappears from your life, surprise and disbelief appear pounding on the door. Not having an explanation about what happened makes our mind begin to make hypotheses. The most advisable thing is to assume the situation accepting the emotions with which we will find ourselves. Allow yourself to feel that pain and that disappointment, understanding that it has more to do with the other person than with you.
—The duel is part of the ruptures, regardless of its duration or context. In this case, even if the relationship was short, the intensity of summer lovemaking makes this type of breakup very painful. It is important that you first know that you are not guilty. It is normal for certain questions to appear initially that may make you focus on yourself, but you do not have control over how others act.
Phase of overcoming the end of a summer love
From TherapyChat highlights 6 tips to take into account to overcome this situation:
“Focus on getting back to your routine.” When a relationship does not evolve after that summer love we must think that perhaps that person was indeed a simple summer love and now we have to put our mind on the projects that we are going to want to start, look for new situations, thank having had the experience and focus on ourselves and the new routine that we are going to create.
—Accept the end of the relationship and the pain it causes. The intensity and idyllicness of the experience may have affected you beyond what was expected, it is normal. Give space to your emotions, be compassionate and probably from this situation you will get some positive things that will serve you for the rest of your life.
“Share what happened to you with people you trust.” Telling it will help you, among other things, to put your thoughts into words, to listen to them from a different place and to validate your emotions.
“Try not to generalize.” If you have had a bad experience on one or more occasions, it does not mean that it will always be like that. Most of the time, summer loves are experiences that have nothing to do with loves from another time of year.
—Don’t forget about physical and mental self-care. Connect with the things that you are passionate about and that make you feel good. It will improve your self-esteem. Take care of your diet and practice a sport that you like. Surround yourself with whoever charges you with energy and stay away from whoever takes it away from you. In case you need help, although it is not always easy, a professional can accompany you in overcoming these types of situations and make the best of the experience.
“Embark on new adventures.” If you are prepared, there is no need to wait for the next summer. A theater workshop, an NGO, a sports team, dance classes … There are almost infinite alternatives to meet someone new, allowing you to reconnect with different people in different situations.
Although the concept of summer love can be synonymous with passenger, “the reality is that the intensity with which we live it marks us and we will probably remember them for life. Staying with the good in each situation is the best we can do to overcome the end of this type of experience, ”explains María Mavji.