“Spirituality helps make sense of trauma”


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Four days after María RC lost her life in an outrage at the gates of the Montealto school, his parents, Alejandro and María, decided to share a letter with the rest of the parents and staff of the educational center. The letter, which they sent on Monday afternoon, appreciates the expressions of affection and prayers dedicated to their five-year-old daughter, but in it they also ask to pray for the other two girls injured in the accident and for the conductive that caused it. «Parents have put the focus on the gratitude, both towards the messages received and in the performance of the school and in the work of Samur and Police. Also in the five years lived with his daughter. Have focus on this facilitates grief», Silvia Álava, child psychologist, analyzes ABC.

Another of the main parts of the text is dedicated to religion. «In the funeral home, they have told us several testimonies of people who they were far from faith and that thanks to our little Maria they have gone to pray the Rosary, we invite them not to leave it “, is one of the excerpts. “Human love is finite, but God’s love is infinite,” they add. In this sense, Álava affirms that «the spirituality –Not only the Catholic religion– helps to make sense of a trauma, in this case, after a loss ”. “For these parents, being able to think that the girl is in heaven with God is a relief, because it helps to integrate this traumatic experience into their day-to-day life. It is important that the trauma is integrated into the life story “, emphasizes the specialist.

It also refers to the last paragraph of the letter written by the victim’s parents. «Mariquilla – as they called her – is enjoying more than ever in heaven because I was a delight of life and I think she knew that only there could she be better, with her true Father and her true Mother », they write at the end, just before thank God for the five “wonderful” years he has “given” them with his daughter. «When a person has high spirituality, it facilitates the story to give a meaning to what happened. It makes it easier for the person to start accepting and integrating it. They do not say that tomorrow they will be fine, on the contrary, but the fact of being able to narrate it and integrate it into their life helps them », continues Álava, who mentions that writing the letter is also another way of giving meaning to what happened.

«But above all, the important thing is not to blame. The part in which they ask others to pray is beautiful and important, but they also demand that they be remember the mother that he was driving the car that caused the accident. ‘Don’t blame her, we don’t. She is experiencing her own trauma ‘, it is understood from the words they dedicate to her in the letter, “continues Álava, referring to the following phrase by Álex and María:” our opinion, the worst drink of the accident, and once again we repeat that you abandon yourself to the Lord to realize that you have no fault whatsoever and that even though it is incomprehensible Our God has allowed it to obtain greater goods ».

A purpose

The specialist in Child Psychology also emphasizes another point: the acceptance process does not imply to deny the happened. «When they say in the text ‘We are in our cave trying to heal us each other ‘,’ we are not able to read so many messages of affection because we would be crying all day ‘and’ in order to sleep we share Dumbo, our baby’s stuffed elephant ‘they recognize the such unpleasant emotions they are going through, ”says Álava. “It is necessary to cry and also respect each other’s times,” he says. Likewise, he emphasizes the need to find another meaning in life: “In this case, it is the other five children that they have to take care of. The death of a child is never overcome, but it is integrated into life.

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