Imposter Syndrome: Do they look up to you and feel like you don’t deserve it?

There are personalities totally contrary to those so well known as narcissists. Those who believe themselves to be gods, well, they know they are not but they need others to believe and venerate them in order to feel something. Meanwhile, they are toxic and tyrants. And the others, the truly good and authentic on a professional and / or personal level, those who suffer from the «impostor syndrome», people who doubt their abilities and who are not proud of their achievements. They think that what they achieve, what others value more than themselves, has influenced luck, some coincidence; or that they see them like this by mistake, in a not very objective and exaggerated way, because they are not at all convinced of being “those” and they suffer, they suffer a lot because they think that sooner or later they will be discovered, and they will be seen as a fraud. They continually strive due to that absolutely irrational belief of theirs, in doing, preparing, getting involved in things in a multiplied way … and it is that in reality they are optimal people in their performance and in their demands, they are very responsible and hard-working people. , intelligent, but not satisfied with themselves, not sufficient according to their suitability criteria and when they occupy a relevant or visible position, admirable by many, they feel a continuous pressure marked by themselves that keeps them in constant anxiety not to fall below a level of performance that is already far superior to that required by the position. They are usually people who know that they work on it but think that it costs them much more work than the rest and that if that were discovered, that struggle to get things, people would not see them the same way. Therefore, although they know of this irrationality (in part) it is anguish to face something of a level. They have no problem admitting to themselves that something has not gone well, and they tolerate it, and they resolve it; The main fear is to show their vulnerability, that others see it, judge them and criticize them because it is with others, in social settings where they do not see themselves at all comfortable. In social environments they often feel that they do not like them at all, or that they annoy, that they are not up to par and they try to give and behave with an ideal image for them. However, on a cognitive level they are usually people with “high capacities” but on an emotional level they are not very tolerant of frustration. What they “do wrong” they attribute to their fault (internal factors) and what they do right to external factors. They fear criticism and feel judged in every performance; They depend a lot on external evaluation (criticism or recognition), and as I say, compliments and admiration do not come to believe them and rather they think how wrong they are to see them like this. They find it difficult to accept compliments on their intelligence and achievements and constantly compare themselves with others in their rank, believing themselves less than themselves. Everyone around them has more confidence than themselves that everything they do will be exceptional and thus many more qualities because they are invaluable people not only at the work level, and they enjoy their work, they are passionate, they love it, but they anticipate unsatisfactory results , they anticipate, they anticipate … the main problem is their mistrust in themselves even though they know they are capable and fighters … oh, they are afraid of possible external criticism, as I said. At the bottom and at the origin of these feelings is education, self-esteem. The lack of reinforcements in the family, being small, the continuous demand and sometimes the comparison with others and little recognition of achievements, and criticism of minor failures. All this makes the child grow in learning the concept of insufficient and not valued, which creates a lot of insecurity and fear of failure. On the contrary, it is curious how sometimes we find excessive reinforcement and recognition of children who do not deserve it, and part of them will grow up with “unbearable” self-esteem and others will really recognize that they are a fraud (how they see them and how little they do ), although these, unlike those we have described in the article, do not feel bad psychologically, and rather, they find themselves living off a fame and income obtained by chance or by emotional intelligence … What a dislocation of heads and what sufferings unnecessary. When everything in life is much easier being yourself and whatever happens! Ana M Angel Esteban Clinical Psychologist. Sexologist 615224680

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